One hiker said something recently that was very inspirational for me. She is a 50-ish (I think) first-time hiker and is having trouble with her foot. She had to take some time off to rest the foot. When she resumed hiking the trail, she spoke of getting very discouraged. The foot pain was getting in her head and making her question whether she could finish the hike. She decided to re-frame how she was talking about the hike and change the way she did it. She decided to keep going but hike shorter days and take days off if needed. Her new mindset was that as long as she was making forward progress overall, that was good enough. She couldn't keep going the way she had been, but that didn't mean she couldn't still do it. Rather than thinking/saying *if* she could finish the trail, she changed it to *how* she could finish the trail.
That change in wording and thinking make a big difference to her, and I found it did to me as well. As you know, I have been hoping to start riding again. I found myself saying *if* a lot when I thought and talked about it. Well, that has now changed to *how* I can ride. I decided things were probably never going to be perfect again and I was going to have to make some changes in *how* I hope to accomplish this feat.
Last time I tried riding several years ago, I did everything my usual way. This time, I've been thinking about what changes I need to make to my riding style, position, my expectations, etc. Heels down and putting a lot of weight through my leg into my heel will probably not make my bad ankle happy--so, that will have to change. I have a bum knee that won't like having a big bend and won't want to absorb a lot of shock through it--so, that means I may have to lengthen my stirrups. I may not be able to do more than a walk until my body gets used to it again--or maybe I'll never be able to do more than a walk and be comfortable and not re-injure a body part--fine, I will walk the entire time if need be. It's better than not riding at all.
I have a lesson scheduled for Thursday afternoon. I already discussed my challenges (not problems!) with the instructor to give her the heads up and get a feel for how she would respond. Everything was "Hey, no big deal--we will work things out." That was encouraging. Last thing I want is to go to a stable where I'm viewed as a lesser being just because I can't hop on and ride like the good old days.
I'm going to be constantly listening to my body as I ride during each lesson. If I need to take a break to dismount and walk around, I will. If I need to stop and stretch my legs out of the stirrups to rest my back, knee, and ankle, I will. I'm going to be grateful to even be back on the horse in any capacity, so if I have to change the way I do things, so be it.
No more putting off riding until I'm perfect ... until I've lost a significant amount weight ... until my body is markedly stronger ... until I can ride like I used to do. Although that is sound thinking in one sense, it's also just making me postpone riding longer and longer. I've decided I'd rather adjust my expectations and work with what I have now than to continue to put it off until things are closer to perfect. The bottom line is that I really miss riding and I haven't felt like myself since I gave it up years ago.
Don't get me wrong. I've been working on increasing strength and endurance by hiking with my dog Heidi, doing a lot of more farm work without needing help, and working out with a yoga video here and there (I admit, that one falls through the cracks). I feel myself getting stronger and will continue these things, as well as work very hard on losing weight. But, the wait for everything to be perfect is just not cutting it any longer. Horses in general are a big part of what makes me, me. Riding is also part of who I am. I love my mini's and I think driving Rosie will be a lot of fun. I will continue her training. It's just that riding has always been my escape from life stressors and it just plain makes me feel alive. I want to do it. So my new way of thinking: It's not *if* I can ride, it's *how* I can ride. I'm so glad I watched that hiking video to get this piece of inspiration.
Here's a picture of the last time I rode Babe. The strong heels-down got me in trouble and re-tore my ankle tendon. When I look at the picture, I see there is no reason I need to have my heels down that far, so that adjustment should take a lot of stress off my ankle. The stirrups can come down a hole too and I think I'll still be fine. Part of the *how* I'm going to make riding happen.
A friend I haven't seen in a long time came to visit today. She had never met Rosie and Jerry. Rosie gave her the sniff and "oh, big deal--you seem pretty boring" response that I expected. She is just not into other people very much. I got some of my desensitizing toys out--hula hoop and the big ball. She yawned through my "show off" performance (lol). Here is the ball in mid air getting ready to bounce off her back. She looks very impressed, huh? lol Babe also seems to think it's not a big deal although it did get an ear to flick sideways.
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